Ships and shoes and ceiling wax

Well, this is second period. It comes right after first, imagine that. The class is gradually deteriorating me from the inside out. It's the people in there. I'm sucked into a hurricane of angry girls- one trying to talk over the other, one upset, one not helping the situation, and one ruling the situation. Then there's the cameo appearance by the person who seems to be the start of the situation. I DON'T CARE. Then there's the other table. A table that makes me think I have never been so openly hated before in my life. Or at least since the second grade. I'm really past hating this person. I'm done with it, and I'm sorry for all that I have done to make them think of me that way. I deserve it I know, but dragging your side kick along for the ride is rather immature. Maybe I'm looking too much into this, but I can't think of any other emotion that this person could have towards me. I was an immature idiot. There, it's not that hard for me to admit anymore. Then the table next to me. Loud, making fun of one person mercilessly (for good reason, but still). I'm so done with this. I am a senior for crying out loud, come on! I shouldn't feel like this, I shouldn't let the fact that all these people are retarded effect the way I go about my day. Sure, I'm lonely, I hate this place for all it's worth, every single brick that forms the building I sit in makes me cringe- but I'm almost done. Next week is my last week. The last reign of terror this place has over me. I feel so marked. No one knows. No one knows that I have changed, but I'm not different. No one knows that I'm lonely (even though I've told them a hundred times). No one knows why I hang out with certain people. No one knows that it might be because I see some potential in them. I'm just me, and I'm good with that. It's the fact that people here aren't. If it's not ok to be me here, than I want no part of it. Who else am I supposed to be? Whoever it is, it's a person I wouldn't like very much. Here I've had regrets, and things that I would never take back. And sometimes they are the same thing.

Next year I'm going away to a new place, so is everyone else wherever it is. And I will be one to not have much that I'm leaving behind. I don't have twenty friends tying me back that I have to cut loose. Next year for me is a complete re-do of what I'm leaving. High school was literally a practice run. I didn't do so well at it but maybe this time it will be better. New people, and a place I really belong in. I never belonged here, I just wish someone could understand that. Even the people I've considered to be my "best" friends just don't get it. That's ok though, maybe when they don't have this cpa box obstructing their vision they will understand.